My Sojourn - So What Is Next?

So, this is who I was becoming in the fall of 2008. I had been pushed and pulled, shaped and molded, challenged to step out of my comfort zone, and as described by Erwin McManus (a passive mentor of mine) I was beginning to walk the barbarian way. I didn’t know it at the time, but events, readings, and life experiences had fallen into place to send my on a wild sojourn to places hadn’t really thought of going before. What was needed was a trigger, some event, some writing, some still small voice to launch me into the transformational crucible were I would be shaped by different events, molded by readings from the Bible and other authors, transformed in my theological understandings (my beliefs and values), and where my contemplative nature would be allowed to flourish as I would spend hours pondering about who God is, what I believe, and how He has transformed me into the person He wants me to become.

So what was the trigger? It was a blog posting my Josh Kesler about a stupid sheep they had encountered while driving around the countryside. In his telling of the story Josh referred to the sheep as a “stupid sheep.” To this day I don’t know how or why I resonated with that stupid sheep, but rather than thinking it was stupid I saw it as barbarian, wanting break free of the thinks that confined it. Maybe that is the metaphor for my life experience, until now I have been listening to the people who have been telling me to get back in, instead of listening to God say break free, get out, think outside the box, don’t be conformed rather be transformed by the things I am teaching you and showing you.

I will be thinking again about this to see where I am headed...

My Sojourn - Where It Began

I have been a Christian for some 25+ years. My spiritual transformation during this time was one of crisis or experiential transformation. As situations presented themselves I was shaped and molded by them. I could choose to embrace the transformation or ignore it and escape the process. I was dumped into what has been called the “Transformational Crucible.” This was a place where I was refined to become more like Christ. It was during this time that I preached my first sermon, struggled with infertility issues, struggled with depression, spent years moving from place to place, going to school, and trusting God. My crucible experiences grounded me in a lot of ways. I didn’t see them then, but as I reflect back ten, fifteen or twenty years removed from the experience I can see God’s hand in my life, the potter shaping and molding the clay which became me, the person I am today.

After graduating seminary in 2001 I felt a little lost, tired, and complacent. I was working, taking leadership roles in my church, teaching, and simply doing life. There was little “transformation” going on. I had hit some sort of spiritual plateau. It was here where God chose another type of formation process to again begin to shape and mold me. For lack of a better word I call it process formation. By process formation I mean that you are guided through a series of exercises, questions, or processes to produce in the end a transformation in my life.

My Sojourn - Setting the Stage

This is the first a number of blog postings I am calling "My Sojourn."

This past week I have been feeling odd or should I say odder than I usually fell. In talking to others, I haven’t really been able to describe the way I have been feeling. Maybe it’s a deeper sense that God is real, that God is working in my life, or that I am being prepared for some sort of wild adventure, a barbarian adventure. I simply don’t know. Content walks in the rainy weather, hours of pondering and resting in the Lord, the sense that I have something to write but unsure of the content, this is what I have been feeling, sensing, experience this past week. What follows is a reflection back over the past couple of years, a reflection to try and help me figure out what God is doing in my life and calling me to do in the future. I am writing this for me, but if others can glean some insight from it too, so much the better.

Let me set the context for this sojourn. My Christian life was a lot like the Dow – highs and lows but generally headed in an upward direction. Seminary, which should have been a time of meeting God, was in reality a time where academic pursuits replaced relational intimacy with God. I learned a lot about God, about how to interpret the Bible, about how to theologize about God, but I didn’t spend time with God. It was a time of intellectual transformation, but not heart or relational transformation. So was this experience good or bad? I don’t know, but God has used it to shape who I am today. In reality, all of my life experiences had shape who I am and how I live out my life.

Next Up - A Little Bit of Context...

Personal Life Platform - Text Version

Here is the text version of my PLP -

Personal Life Platform – Oct 2009

What follows are the central beliefs and core values upon which my faith has been built. As a Christ-follower, and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit I will endeavor to firmly establish this beliefs and values as the platform I stand on as I sojourn through life.

Foundational Beliefs

The foundations of my beliefs are built on three meta-narratives found in the Bible. These are the stories that I use to anchor my faith in God. They are used to establish and guild my operational beliefs and core values and to shape my worldview.

The first foundational belief is the Creation Narrative found in Genesis 1-3. We see God and humanity living in a rich intimate relationship ...when man disobeyed the relationship was broken, separation from God occurred.

The second foundational belief is the Jesus Narrative that begins in Genesis and goes through the Book of Revelation. This is the story of redemption, reconciliation, and restoration. Foretold in the Old Testament, lived out in the Gospels, put into practice in the New Testament.

The third foundational belief is the Eternal Narrative found in Revelation 21. We have the image of the new heaven and earth coming down and God and humanity once again living in a rich intimate relationship.

Operational Beliefs and Core Values

My operational beliefs and core values are the specific beliefs and value that I believe God has called me to live out in my life. These could be life long beliefs and values lived out in all aspects of my life daily or they may be apart of who I am for only a season of my life.

· It is God in whom I will trust (Proverbs 3:5-6)

o Belief: Ultimately God is in control

o Value: Obedience

§ When I trust God fully He will guide my path. It is God’s wisdom that I need to use to guide my life.

§ I am living out this belief/value by taking on additional education without know what the end holds.

· I need to lean into my fears and push forward (Joshua 1)

o Belief: God is my source for strength and courage

o Value: Courage

§ When I step our and embrace my barbarian way, I need to “be strong and courageous.” I do this when I worry about doing what God has called me to do and who He has called me to be.

§ I am living out this belief/value by doing things that are outside my comfort zone (jail ministry).

· The heart is to be guarded (Proverbs 4:23)

o Belief: My body is the temple for the Holy Spirit

o Value: Purity

§ I need to have in place protections to keep my heart pure.

§ I am living out this belief/value by meeting with an accountability partner.

· Serving Him by Serving You (John 13:12-17)

o Belief: Being a Christ-follower is not about getting but giving

o Value: Servanthood

§ Jesus humbled Himself to serve others and then commanded us to do likewise.

§ I live out this belief/value by donating platelets once a month

· I must give a voice to the voiceless (James 1:27)

o Belief: All people are create in God’s image

o Value: Compassion

§ This is one part of the duality we live as Christ-followers. We are to “DO”, that is live out our faith.

§ I lived out this belief/value by volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. I am currently living out this belief/value by working with a group of men in IFI

· Loving God and loving my neighbors is what I am called to do (Matthew 22:37-41)

o Value: Holiness

§ As I learn to love God and others more, I become more like Jesus and grow closer to God. This is the second part of our duality as Christ-followers. It is the “BE.”

§ I live out this belief/value by setting aside time with God regularly, blogging, reading, and tending to my spiritual formation on retreats.

Motives

Why do I do what I do? I am motivated by love, love of God and love of my neighbor. Loving God is about the internal transformation that takes place in me as I go through the spiritual formation process. Loving my neighbor is about serving their needs or giving a voice to the voiceless. It is about being and doing.

Visualization of My Ponderings

What you can see here is one of two visualizations for my current ponderings. Now if I could just figure out what it all means.

The adventure I have been on the last couple of years has been interesting to say the least. In a conversation this morning I reflected back on where this current thread started. I find a number of preliminary events, seminary, Heart of a Warrior, reading a lot of Erwin McManus, and spending time in jail (doing ministry, not time). All these experiences equipped me, encouraged me, or excited me in different ways. However, the event that really got my mind going was a blog posting my Josh Kesler a couple of years ago about a stupid sheep (Stupid Sheep or Barbarian Sheep?). From there my mind has been going a lot of different directions.

The interesting thing is that there seems to be a synergy as I reflect on all the different components. What I am doing now is looking for the connector, the idea that God is trying to teach me, the focal point of my ponderings. This is the key for my future work, doctoral studies, and spiritual transformation.

I can not simply sit back and remain where I am. That would not be honoring to God or to my formation. What I need to do is continue to embrace who God is transforming me into, knock on doors that are closed and look into doors that are open to see if I should enter, continue to write, speak, and teach about the things God is showing me, and finally be prepared to lean into my fears, embrace change, and accept the path that God has prepared for me to follow at this time in my life.

Convergence of Thoughts

I have been rather sporadic with my posting of late. It seems as though my mind has been a whirl wind of thoughts from all areas of my life: work, studies, ponderings. The odd thing is that they seem to all fit together in ways I really didn't expect and at times don't understand. Don't get me wrong, I find it exciting, I feel like I did a couple of years ago as I began to explore my doctoral studies.

My problem is that I get wrapped up in making connections that I don't always take the time to write about it. Oh how I wish I has some rich benefactor who would underwrite my ponderings. :-). Short of that I find that I need to make better use of my time and energy.

For now I think I will just sit back and see were God is going to take my next.

What is your passion?

I love the way God enters into my life to help me ponder the meaning of my life. There is a new show coming out on Fox this fall called Glee. The show is the story line is a group of preceived misfits or loosers who simply love to sing and their advisor who himself is trying to figure out what a meaningful life is. As I watched the pilot a question was asked of the advisor about what type of life example he wanted to live for his unborn child, one where money is the answer or one where the life he is living, he lives because it is his passion. The line goes "the only life worth living is the one you are most passionate about." As it turns out he is passionate about music.

This ties in with an event we had at my church tonight where both the executive pastor and senior pastor shared their passion about bring Christ to people who live in the Northern and Eastern suburbs of the Minneapolis/St. Paul area. The life they are living is the life they are most passionate about. One of the most exciting this is that they were inviting 1000s to join them on the journey God is taking them on. We were invited to be ignited by their passion for serving others and sharing the message that Jesus brought to us 2000 years ago.

My passion is the fusion of my work, doctoral studies, and the spiritual formation of myself and others. I am not one to make first contact with people but I love to come along side them and help them grow deeper in their relationship with God and others. I have been pondering the last week a framework to help me in this task be it in a face to face setting or in the virtual world.

My question to you is what is the passion that make your life worth living and are you pursuing that passion?