Reflections from 2011

I have spent the last week or so reflecting back over the last year. I am in the process of writing it up now to share with my wife, friend, and spiritual director. I won't bore you with all the details but I would like to share with you the highlights and then direct you back to a few blog posting from the past year that I think are worth a second look.

The process I follow for my reflections is call a grand examen. This is an old spiritual practice where you look back, look through, look forward, and look around.

Looking back there were a number of key events - a doctoral class' discussion on 2 John 12, thoughts about an encore career, scripture about being a new creation, love, practical faith, and my rather lengthy relationship with my old friend depression.

Now looking through these things the themes that came up were personal transformation, soul care, and the idea of coming along side others. The verse 2 John 12 really impacted me and caused a significant change in me - I can't really explain it any better than that. My dance with depression really brought into focus the need for soul care, relying on others (my counselor has been a real blessing), having spiritual practices you can do even when you don't feel like (lectio divina) and turning to my scriptural comfort food (James, 1 John, Haggai). A lot of things came together that made me realize that my ministry is focused on coming along side others and helping them move.... Where they move is base on the context of ministry - at work it helping with teaching and technology, at church its about helping people discover their gifts and listen to their stories, at Lino its coming along side guys helping them look at their beliefs and values and making sure they are ground in the Bible.

Looking forward is the tough part of this. One think I did was get involved with the HopeLink ministry at my church. I also jumped in with both feet as a GPS consultant (gifts and passion for serving). I have continued to work with the offenders at Lino's IFI program. I have also put out a number of feelers for adjunct teaching opportunities.


Looking around I have a spiritual director how helps me discern God's voice, I have a wife who tolerates my eclectic life, I have a great friend who listens as I ramble and I take the time to listen to God's still small voice to discern what is next.

I invite you to take a little time to do a grand examen and see where it is that God is leading you. If you need a hand let me know - my spiritual director shingle has been hung.

Now for some blog posts that you might want to reread:

Lost but also read Found, Knowing God Is In It, A Journey of Transformation, Position Desired: Soul Care Pastor, Becoming Who God Wants Me To Be (4 parts), and the transcript of a sermon The Praxis of Love (4 parts).

See you in 2012.

Random Thought on Transformation

I have been in a desert place the last month or so. I have been unable to put together cohessive thoughts on things I have been reading and pondering. For me, in reality for all of us, I don't think this is uncommon. There are times when I feel close to God, thoughts come and I can articulate them well, and life goes on. These are productive times in one sense, but to be honest there is less transformation of me personally.

For me, transformation comes when I am stretched and tested. It is in these refining fires that I am open to deep transformation. Transformation that seems to create some of my life altering changes. I hope that this makes sense to you. It's not that either of these positions are better than the other - we need both times of rest and times of refining. A couple of my former seminary profs called this cycle a transformations crucible. In the center we can find rest, but around the edges we get our impurities burned away.

Our current message series at my church is called Inked (click here if you want to view) has been great because they have been focusing on the promises that God has given us in His Word. You see it are these promises that I turn to, that we all should turn to when we are in the desert places. As one of the Jasons said this last weekend (and I paraphrase), when you feel alone add 1 because God is there.

Don't run from times of trial, struggle, hurt or aloneness - rather lean into the promises of God, seek out others for support, open yourself up to the Holy Spirit's transformational work and see where God brings you.

Reflections from Life

These past few weeks have been some of the toughest I have faced in a long while. Things that have happened, choices that have been made, and the challenges that I have be faced with have all weighted heavy on my soul. It is not just for me, news of ones mother facing cancer, fractured relationships, and a sense of lost hope. In the middle of this I am burdened but I am not overwhelmed. My relief comes from the community that I have around me, my wife, friends, co-workers, and others who are invited into the conversation. These people are my earthly anchors and it is God who is my eternal anchor, going back to His Word for comfort and strength.

Over the last year or so God has been showing me how valuable community is. The ability to rely on others in times of need. This has never been my strong suite and I have dealt with a lot of things on my own, where my burden could have been lightened if I has leaned on another. We see in scripture that no one person has all the answers, but rather we are a body of believers, each with a gift or talent that we can use to minister to others. What we need to do is reach out and ask (not always and easy thing to do) for help or when help is offered be willing to accept it (again not always an easy thing to do).

The most valuable relationship we have is our relationship with God. He is there to comfort and guide us in our times of trial. God uses our trials to transform us into the person God created us to be. I found my comfort in key pieces of scripture - Proverbs 3:5-6, James & 1 John - trust, wisdom in trials and being a child of God.

When trials and troubles come your way seek out those in your community of friends who will stand with you through the struggles, seek out God who will be there always, find comfort in His Word. Don't try and do it alone, the burden is just to heavy - let God and others help you carry it.

Back Thinking About James

Well I am back in James again. This time I am getting ready to lead a small group of Bethel communter students in a study of James. As you may or may not know James is a book I often refer to as my spiritual comfort food. It is a place I go when I don't know where else to turn. It is interesting that every time I do return there seems to be something new that catches my eye. My current study is proving to be no different. Maybe it is the translation I am reading (The Message) but the last part of chapter 1 struck me differently. I have focused on the last verse or two of the chapter before, but this time I was also drawn to the the verses right before. The context is that we shouldn't just hear God's Word we should do something with it. Let me share a couple of passages that jumped out:

So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! (James 1:21, 22 MSG)
Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world. (James 1:26, 27 MSG)

To often we listen just enough to find a jumping in point to speak or we listen enough to get angry and speak. More times than not we are simply to listen. Listen to others who need our help or listen to God who is offering solutions. When listen to others take off the "fix it' hat and put on the "help them process it" hat. When listening to God take of the "I know whats best" hat and put on the "humble yourself" hat. I am only begining to process this now. I ponder what this will look like in my own life? How do you respond to these verses? I would love to hear.

The Praxis of Love (pt 4)

This is from a sermon give at East Balsam Baptist Church 9/25/2011 (pt 4)

I want to shift our attention now from loving God with our whole being to loving our neighbor as ourself. There are a couple of questions we needs to ask at this point. First, who is our neighbor? Jesus answered this in a parable about the good Samaritan. To summarize Jesus’ teaching our neighbor are those people in need who we can or do interact with. They might be the person living next door or across the street. It might be your co-worker in the next cubicle. It might be a homeless person you pass by with out even really noticing. It could a be a group of people you could minister to on a missions trip. In short, your neighbor is the person God has placed in your path so that you can love them.

Second, how do you show them love? To be honest I don't know, you need to listen to their story to see how you can love them. Don’t be worried that you won’t be able to help them because if God placed them in your path you will be equipped to serve their needs. It's important to remember that the love we have to share is a love that comes from God. Take a look at what 1 John 4:7 says, "My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God." We are being God's hands and feet as we love our neighbors.

As we thing about how to love our neighbor we might want to think a about the qualities of love that we can apply. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. (ESV)

These different qualities of love are the same qualities we need to display to our neighbor for they are the same ones that God displays to us. 1 John 4:7 says God is love, and so if these are qualities of love they are also qualities of God.

For me loving my neighbor is lived out in the passions that God has place on my heart. One way my daughter wants to serve others was by helping to change their flat tires. She wanted to do this driving around the Twin Cities, but I didn't think that was all that safe. However, God knew her desire and has delivered two people (strangers) into our driveway who needed help changing a flat tire and my daughter was there. If you are willing and listening to God, He will bring across your path people who need to be loved in practical ways and he will equip you with the resources you need to show God's love to them.

So what are the take aways today? First, the praxis of love needs to be carried out in relationship. Love is not something that can be carried out in a vacuum. We know that one relationship is with God, but who are the neighbors you can develop relationships with?

Second, when we love God we are to do it with our whole being. How are you showing God you love Him with your passions or heart? What spiritual disciplines are you practicing to draw your soul closer to God? Prayer, meditation, solitude, silence? How are you studying (reading is a discipline, studying is the exercising for your intellect) God's word and other Christian writers? How are you allowing God to transform you?

Finally, how can you show God's love to your neighbor? Have you listened to anyones story lately? Has God been nudging you to interact with someone? What are your gifts and talents that God can use to minister to others? Brandon Heath sings a song “Give Me Your Eyes” and the chorus reads:

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so i can see

Everything that i keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach?

Give me your heart for the one's forgotten

Give me your eyes so i can see

You see loving our neighbors is nothing more than looking around with God’s eyes and God’s love looking for those in need of a touch from God through you.

Take some time this week to think about these things and then respond the way God leads you.

The Praxis of Love (pt 3)

This is from a sermon give at East Balsam Baptist Church 9/25/2011 (pt 3)

As we talk about loving God Jesus sets a pretty high standard - "Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence." Our passion comes from our heart, our prayers come from our soul, and our intelligence comes from our mind. Jesus says that we need to love God with our whole being. As we serve others we are showing our love for God. As we spend time in prayer and listing to God we grow our relationship with and strengthen our love for God. As we read and study God's word we get a better understanding of who God is and again our love deepens. Loving God with our passion, prayers and intelligence leads us to a stronger, deeper relationship with and love for God.

In my life this is how I live these principles out - two things I want to be clear about 1) I don't always succeed in doing these things but I do the best I can and 2) It is up to each of you to determine for yourselves how this will look in your life. The passion God is stirring in my heart to the desire to come along side people in their journey through life and help them in their struggles. I show my love of God by doing my best to put this passion into action. I have been serving the last four years at Lino Lake state prison working with offenders in the IFI program to better understand their beliefs and values and make sure that they are Biblically grounded. At work I help faculty better understand the use of technology are they prepare our future Christian leaders. I am being trained as a Hopelink minister to come along side a person who is in a rough patch of their life and listen to them for a while. I try and model a Christ-like life for my kids. All these acts of service come out of my God given passion of serving others.

I have come to a deeper understanding of prayer and how vital it is in ones life. To be honest I haven't really taken a lot of time to develop this spiritual discipline in my life. God is working on me to change this. True prayer, not the wish list prayer, is what God desires so that He and I can have conversations together. Remember in prayer it is a two way street, don't only talk to God but be sure and take the time to listen for God's still small voice. I take time away from life to go on spiritual retreats where God and I can spend time together alone. Finally, I do my best to spend an hour or so every morning quietly waiting upon the Lord. I read, pray, ponder, and write. These things all add to and show my love for God by simply spending time with Him.

I confess that I am an educational junky or as I am referred to in higher education, a life long learner. I have four post-secondary degrees, a graduate certificate, and I am working on my DMin (Doctor of Ministry). I enjoy digging into Biblical text to understand what the author is saying and then convey that information to other. It is through these intellectual endeavors that my understanding of God has grown and by default my love of God has grown. This educational experience is not so I can get a bunch of letters after my name, rather it is about the transformation that God is causing in me. It is about me trusting God, being obedient to His word, and allowing Him to complete a good work in me. It doesn't matter if you are pursuing God through a degree or not, rather the question is Are you pursuing God at all? Are you allowing God to transform you into the new creatiom you already are through Christ?

The Praxis of Love (pt 2)

This is from a sermon give at East Balsam Baptist Church 9/25/2011 (pt 2)

In the Gospel of Matthew we have an encounter being played out between Jesus and some of the religious leaders. The leaders were trying to trap Jesus by asking the question "What is the greatest commandment?" but what they got was a reply that silenced them once and for all.

When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?" Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." (Matthew 22:34-40 MSG)

From my journal Dec 2010        

I have found myself being drawn to these verses as the driving values for my life. Love God and love others. But when I really dwell upon this notion of loving, what does it look like in practice? How is it that I express this sense of love? Maybe a more basic question is what is love? How does one define it? I want to inject here that I am talking about the love of others, not the love of things. I have to pause when someone asks me how I like my iPad. The first thing that pops into my mind is that I love it. Do I really love it? When I say I love it, what I mean is that it is a great tool for me because it allow me to consume information from the Web in a way that fits me. I don’t think that is a true definition of love, but because of the wide pool of definitions for the word love, maybe it is.

I want to take a deeper look at this passage in Matthew and unpack with you what it might look like to put love into practice.

When I look at love in the context of the passage above, I see that love has to happen in a relationship. To love God I need to be in a relationship with God. To love my neighbor I need to be in some type of relationship with them. You can't love someone in isolation. Love is about doing, love is active - in 1 John 3 we read:

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

 (1 John 3:16-18 ESV)

Love is active and can only be carried out in relationship. The only love that can be carried out alone is loving ourself (I'm talking about the narcissistic type of love) and loving the world. To develop relationships one needs to spend time with the other person(s) in the relationship. So what does that look like with God and what does that look like with others?

The Praxis of Love (pt 1)

This is from a sermon give at East Balsam Baptist Church 9/25/2011 (pt 1)

We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love. (1 Corinthians 13:12, 13 MSG)

Paul was writing to the church in Corinth to encourage them in their struggles and hardships. In these verses Paul writes that while we are doing life we don't always see or know the answers to our "why or how or when or who" questions. When we stand before God we will have the answers, but for now Paul tells us to hang onto our faith, hope and love.

Our faith is in God who was, is and always will be with us. This faith does not promise us a trouble free life, rather is promises us we will always have someone to lean in good times and when things get rough. Our hope is in the new life and restored relationship we have through Jesus Christ. Peter tells us in 1 Peter 3 to "always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you." We have a hope to share with other and a faith that anchors our trust in God. Then we have love - in The Message it says "love extravagantly." Paul tells us of the three: faith, hope and love, that love is the best. Two questions come to mind here: What does it look like to love extravagantly? and How do we know love is best? The answer to the first is what we will be exploring today and the answer to the second is 1) Paul's writing were inspired by God and 2) it is a reflection of what Jesus taught when ask the question about the greatest commandment.

God at Work

It's been a while since I have posted. A lot of pondering going on, but not a lot of time to write. I do want to share my experiences from the last couple of Monday nights.

As you may or may not know I have been going into Lino Lakes state prison for the last four years working with groups of offenders who are completing an 18 month program called IFI. It is a faith-base prison ministry that is part of Prison Ministry Fellowship. The latest group I have been working with (8-9 months) are finishing up working through A Rattling of Sabers by Greg Bourgond. It is an in-depth look at themselves and putting down on paper a Biblically grounded set of beliefs and values they are choosing to begin living by. This is done through a lot of personal reflection and the working of the Holy Spirit.

A couple of Mondays ago I sat in the room with them and listened to the striking of key as 9 men began to type out their personal life platform, putting into words what they have been thinking and what the Spirit has been stirring in their hearts. Then this last Monday each man read to the rest of us what God has been doing in their lives. What wonderful stories I heard from each of them. God was working in each one of these men in unique and special ways. It was wonderful to see the hard work these men put into what I hope is only the beginning of a transformed life and that when I are released I am trusting that God will use these men to do great things for the Kingdom.

Family Experiment

Relations in our family have been a little stressed this summer. there are a variety of reasons but I think is comes down to two things. We have lost our focus on God and/or each other. It's not like we all sit in different parts of the house and not talk to each other. No the stress shows up in those times when you would expect conflict in a house with a couple of teenagers and parents. Our life is no different than that of a lot of other families but as a family of Christ-followers we have the right foundation to allow us to restore our relationships both vertically wiht God and horizontally with other family members. I guess you could say that we are putting to practice what I was preaching about in early Aug, with me taking on he role of Haggai (see this blog posting).

This experiment will last about 30 days so that we can begin to develop the habits of listening to God, thinking about the other in our family, and taking the focus off ourselves. This isn't about gaining more head knowledge because we all know what we should do. The goal is to move our head knowledge to heart knowledge and then put it into practice.

Don't know how it will work but so far (ok we have only been at it a day) so good. Yesterday the task was simple. All we did was send two text to the others in the family to encourage them or complement them on something they do well. The texts had to be at least 2 hours apart so you actually had to think about the task twice. The Proverb we reflected on was:

Start with God-the first step in learning is bowing down to God; only fools thumb their noses at such wisdom and learning. (Proverbs 1:7 MSG)

You see in this process we need to make sure our relastionship with God is strong so we can then use that to strengthen our relationship with others.

Today the task is to do the encouragement text again plus with $3.73 create something that the whole family can enjoy. We'll see what happens.

Trust In The Lord

Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message

As I listen to the news, experience our own families problems, as I reflect on my own personal journey the above verses gives me great comfort. With this idea of trusting God as a key component in my world view, I find myself shaking my head sometime (a lot of the time) with the antics of our political system. Political parties try and convince us that they have the correct answer to our nations, states or local problems. They are convinced that they are right. And if numbers hold true, at least on the national level half the people would agree with them and half would not.

Politicians claim they have a mandate to make a change in government even when they have been elected my less than 50% of the vote. Politicians and political parties look at the facts surrounding a particular issue, draw up their battle plans based on their particular ideology, wet their finger and get a read on with direction that the political winds are blowing and propose a solution, dig in their heals, accuse the other party or oppenent(s) of being wrong and hold the government system they represent hostage. They all seem to saying the same thing - trust me or trust our party, we have the solution, we have the answers.

Don't get me wrong we have a great democracy and every couple of years I participate in the election of candidates, I have a basic understanding of the issues and where various candidates line up. For me it is the idea that we are to trust them - no I would rather put my trust in God. Do I live in a Christian nation? To be honest, I don't even know what that means - whose definition of "Christian" are you using?

You see its not about trusting poliitians or governments to do the work God has called us to do as Christ-followers - love God, love our neighbors and make disciples - come along side others invite them into a relationship with God and then help them grow in that relationship. Take on the challenge of the unwed mother who is consider an abortion, walk along side her so she sees she has an alternative, don't condemn but comfort. What could you or your church do for the neighbor how is struggling to put food on the table everyday? Are there some odd jobs around that you could offer the neighbor who hasn't seen a paycheck in a while? I don't know what a Christian nation is, but I do know what a nation full of Chrst-followers would look like when they are allowing God to direct their hands and feet to minister to those around them. We don't need to solve all the worlds woes, just those around the block and around the church. Let politians do what politicians do, but we should go and do what Christ-follows should do.

With A Little Help From My Friends

The Beatles sang about "getting by with a little help from my friends." I don't think they were that far off in this idea. Over the past couple of years I have come to appreciate the role that community plays in helping us through those tough times.

My default response to tough times has alway been to withdraw into my own little world, put up walls and work things out on my own. To be honest, in the long run that hasn't worked out very well for me. I always thought that I was simply wired that way and I didn't need anyones help. I don't know if it was arrogance, pride, embarrassment or some other reason I didn't want to seek the wisdom of others. There were times when I wouldn't even seek the wisdom of God. It was the attitude that I can do this on my own. I think that Satan was dancing with delight as I would withdraw from the world because this would cause me to cut myself off from others and from God.

From my studies and from pratical application I have come to see that we are in fact wired not to be alone but to be in community. We each bring into our own communities different gifts, talents, experiences and view points that can help the rest make better sense of life and the things that life throws our way.

The early church is a great example of this. In Acts we see the people coming together sharing wath they have for the good of the community. I the time I spend in jail with a group of men we help each other shape our lives and our life stories. My spiritual director has help me by asking questions that help me thing or rethink about thinks going on in my life - to bring clarity and understanding. My councilor has helped me to work through some of my stumbling blocks. I have a friend who asks me the tough questions about what is going on in my life. I have a small group with whom I can share prayer requests. Finally, I have a wife who comes along side my on the eclectic journey I call life. I also know that God is apart of this whole process for it is His still small voice I listen for, it is the Holy Spirit who helps me as I reflect on where God has been at work in the past and is helping me connect the dots.

Doing life really is about community - about "getting by with a little help from my friends." How healthy is your soul care community? How healthy is your relationship with God?

A Granddaughter's Blessing

On Saturday Aug 6 2011, my granddaughter will be dedicated. Below is the blessing my wife and I have written to celebrate the occasion.

Topanga Noel
Joy |  Transition | Unique

Three words that describe the blessings that you have brought to us and that we in turn can give back to you.

Joy - God has gifted you with the ability to wash away the harshness of the day with a simple smile or smirk from your beautiful face. You are so joyful in turn you  bring joy to those around you. May God continue to use you to brighten the hearts of those who come across your path. May you continue to find joy in your life as you grow and become the person God has created you to be, with the giftedness of an encourager and the joyfulness of a joy giver.

Transition - God is using you to shape and transform a lot of people. You mom and dad have been transformed into caring, loving parents doing the best they can with this wonderful gift they have been given. You have transformed your grandma and grandpa into a new role in life, watching their daughter grow into a wonderful mom and taking on the responsibility of proud grand parenting. We in turn will walk along side you as you are transformed into a child of God.

Unique - Though you do not know it yet, God has created you to do things that you may not believe you can do. Things that on your own you can't, but by leaning on God you can. As you grow we pray that God will open your eyes to the things you see around you, your heart to His gentle nudging and your ears to His still small voice so that you may know the unique role you might play in being His hands and His feet as you sojourn through life.

Anyway

I was sitting in church yesterday when I heard the song Anyway by Martina McBride sung by the worship team and for some reason it really struck me. In a nut shell the song is about persevering despite not always knowing the results or the results not being what you expected. The chorus sums up how we as Christ-follower should face our daily struggles:

God is great, but sometimes life ain't good
When I pray it doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

Sometimes in life we face situations that in short suck. The thing that we need to remember is that God is Great and with His wisdom and guidance we can persevere.  It is the same thing when we pray. God doesn't always answer like we think He should, but that isn't the point. God wants us to pray not with a with lists, but with a desire to build and strengthen our relationship with Him.

The song encourages us to build, dream, love and sing - anyway. We need to put ourselves out there - win, loose or draw. We also need to keep in mind no matter the results - God is great, but sometimes life ain't good - just do it anyways. Go ahead and dream, build, love and sing - anyway!

God Is With Us

Then Haggai, the messenger of the Lord, spoke to the people with the Lord's message, "I am with you, declares the Lord." (Haggai 1:13 ESV)

In a couple of weeks I will be preaching in Becker and the text for my sermon is Haggai, talking about the remnant's lost focus. This morning as I was reading the verse above jumped out at me. The promise that is contained in this verse is so wonderful - "I am with you, declares the Lord." With this final word of encouragement from God the people said we are all in, we will complete the task we were called to do.

These people gave up on the initial task because they lost their focus on God and started to focus on the dangers that were around them. I don't fault them we do the same thing today. We are affraid to stand up for what we believe as Christ-followers. We give in to the persecution we might face if we declare our commitment to Christ. We fail to follow through on the things God has called us to do. What we need to do is lean into our fears knowing that God is with us. Erwin McManus defines courage, not as the absences of fear but as the absence of self. This is what the remnant did, they let go of their own fears and turned to the promise that God gave them. Notice that He didn't say things would be easy, He simply said that He would be with them in any struggles or trials that may come along.

Do you have a God given task that you are struggling with because of outside pressures? As we take the focus off of us and put the focus back on God, knowing that he is with us, we can continue to allow God's purpose for our life to unfold before us.

Next Move

I have spent a lot of time thinking about the "what" questions as I ponder about my encore career. I have already had four or five career changes so what's one more? The answer I have come up with to the question of purpose is simply to come along side others and walk with them in their sojourning, offering advice when asked and helping them to draw closer to God. In my current job the only tweak is that I am helping people navigate the use of technology in their teaching, but then again maybe this helps them draw closer to God as well.

In ministry context, this is what I am doing with my work at Lino on Monday nights with my group of men. In the fall I begin training for a new ministry opportunity through my church where I will be trained to work one on one with a person who is in need of someone to listen to their story for a while. These two opportunities begin to answer the "how" and "where" questions I am thinking about now.

How do I carry out my purpose is the question of the hour now. Do I keep on doing what I am doing - part-time volunteer ministry, full-tme career? Do I seek a different career path all together in a church or para-church setting? Do I start some sort of ministry on my own?

I share this with all of you because these questions are ones that I think we all thing about at times. My thinking and pondering has probably risen to the level of obsession, but that is simply the adventure that God has brought me on. My question to you is what are the gifts and talents that God has given to you to use to build up the body of Christ? These could be spiritual gifts, natural talents or acquired skills. They are probably the same gifts and talents you use everyday. Have you ever thought about how you could use them for Kingdom work as well? In Romans 12 Paul writes about every believer not only knowing their part but doing it to the benefit of others and to glorify God.

Position Desired - Soul Care Pastor

For the last few days I have been thinking about what kind of position I may be looking for as I continue to discern my possible new adventure. What you will find below is a made up job description of what I would think is a good fit for where I sense God leading me.

Sometimes as we listen to God speaking into our life, it help to take the bits and pieces we are gathering and put them together into form where they make sense to you, to your understanding of a possible future.

What are the bits and pieces in your life that you can piece together to create a new ministry opportunity. I am not necessarily talking about a career change, rather I am asking the question, "Is God leaving you some clues as to something He may be wanting you to do?" Maybe there is a new ministry opportunity waiting for you just around the next corner and God is simply waiting for you to catch up to Him.

Job Posting - Soul Care Pastor

Job Description

The soul care pastor will be responsible for creating an environment where people can grow and develop into the person God is calling them to be. They will meet people where they are - spiritual & emotionally and walk along side them for a period of time. This is not a counseling position, but the ability to recognize and refer people to a counselor is important. The soul care pastor will also develop a team of individual who can work with the soul care pastor in ministering to others. The soul care ministry may be carried out with individuals, couples or small groups.

Job Functions

• Help people discover and apply their spiritual gifts
  
• Listen to peoples stories and help them edit them
  
• Help people connect the dots of their life experiences to see what it is the God my be telling them or guiding them to do
  
• By personal example show others how to use different spiritual disciplines to grow in ones relationship with God
  
• Lead individual and group spiritual retreats
  
• Encourage other to live out in their lives - loving God with all you have, loving others, and making disciples
  

Experience and Education

The candidate for this position should have lived long enough to have a variety of life experiences. They should be maturing in their faith. They need to be able to discern how the Spirit is leading the the soul care of the person(s) being ministered to. They should be able to develop clear beginning and end points, but be willing to let the journey between the two points to develop and shift a needed.

The single most important skill that this candidate will have is the ability to listen - listen to the care receiver, listen to God, and listen to the Spirits leading. This is best done as the candidate them self is in their own self soul care process.

The candidate should have a Masters level understanding of the Bible and theology. They should have a strong background in the are of spiritual formation, the spiritual disciplines, and faith development.

Reflections From My Blog

As I browse through my blog postings I have noticed a couple of things - randomness and themes. Yes I know that these two things seem to be opposites but it is true. Surronding my themes there are a lot of random thoughts. Two books of the Bible that seem to come up again and again are James (theme practical faith) and Haggai (theme regaining focus). The links are to a couple of older posting from my thoughts about James and Haggai.

Both these books are ones that I go back to time and time again to read, ponder about and pray about. These two themes of living out our faith and maintaining focus are parts of my sojourn that I am continually evaluating, refining, and living out. These are also areas of my life that I at times struggle with. I think they are things we all struggle with.

I am preaching in a couple of weeks at a church in Becker. MN and Haggai is the text I will be speaking from. It is a simple message - don't get so busy you forget about God, but it assumes a couple of things. First, that you know what it is God wants from all Christ-followers (love God, love others, make disciples) and that you are willing to do them. Second, that you have taken the time to listen for God's still small voice and have reflected on what specifically God is asking you to do. You see the remnant that Haggai was talking to knew what God wanted of them but they got distracted and lost focus.

It is a lose of focus that causes us to struggle. So the question I leave you with today is how are you doing at loving God, loving other and making disciples? Also, have you taken time lately to sit down and listen for God's still small voice?

Becoming Who God Wants Me To Be (pt 4)

In late 2007 I was reading a blog posting my Josh Kesler about a stupid sheep. I took a different perspective than Josh, thinking rather than being stupid, he was being a barbarian sheep (see my original blog response. To be honest, it is only now as a read back over my original response that I am beginning to make the connection as to why this moved me the way it did. At the time though all I knew was that my mind was whirling.

It was about this time that I started my ministering at Lino, I applied for and got into the Doctor of Ministry program at Bethel, and I was engulfed in this wondrous time with God. It was during this time that I wrote about online community and social justice. I started my twitter prayer project. I read more books than I had in a long time about a lot of different things. During all this, a funny thing happened, I began to change - it was subtle but it was happening. God was transforming me into who He wanted me to be. The themes of community, relationships, and transformation began to jump out at me. I rediscovered the book of James and the practice of my Christian faith. I began to listen to the stories of others and how we as a community can help edit each others stories to strengthen our relationship with God and with others.

So what does this have to do with the stupid sheep? It is about stepping out of your box (comfort zone) and being willing to do what it is God has called you to do. I was comfortable being a geek, integrating technology and learning, but God has other plans for me. This became clear in my last Doctoral class - there were a lot of great conversations but I was drawn to one we had about what I call the ministry of proximity. Actually what I was drawn to is the tension that exists between the need to be in proximity to minister to someone and what we can do at a distance. Right now I am pondering what is meant by "proximity."

So there you have it. After sifting through the last 30 years as a Christ-follower, I think I know what I will do for the last season of my life. I know God has used me in different places at different times with my rather eclectic life. I know sense that there is a new and quite different adventure ahead for me.

It's time to be pushed out of the confines of my sheep pen and to embrace the adventure God has for me. I look forward to coming along side my fellow sojourners, walking with them for a while, helping to edit their story and strengthening their relationship with God and with others.

Becoming Who God Wants Me To Be (pt 3)

These past 10 years have been marked by God ordained events, a willingness to say yes, slowing down and taking the time to listen, and struggles. Any one of these happening on their own would have been good, but the combination of all these together has led to an exponential impact on all areas of my life.

Two events that stand out to me involve the same man, Greg Bourgond and his Heart of a Warrior ministry. The first happened in the fall of 2003 when I was in his office on a work related matter and he said that he was getting a group of men together for a study and he thought I should be involved. The interesting thing is that I didn't go to his office that often and the study happened to be starting that night. reflecting back I am reminded of the disciples reaction when Jesus said "follow me." With little hesitation I said "why not." Little did I know what would follow. Nine months later I would be done after talking about beliefs, values, worldview, motives, and behaviors. It was the ground work for what I later called my personal life platform. This lead to teaching the material to a number of groups of men and later in a way much life the first, being invited to join Greg as he brought this material to a group of men in Lino Lakes state prison - office, invitation, acceptance, new adventure.

There was a final exam, if you will, to my studies with Greg. This final exam was not part of the curriculum, rather is was given by God. You see shortly after I finished the study I ran in the Twin Cities marathon, 26.2 miles of questioning my sanity for doing such a thing at the age of 44. As tough as the race was the real test came a week or two after the race when I received in the mail a letter for the marathon saying congratulation, hope you enjoyed the race, yada, yada, yads. Behind the letter was a check for $3500 made out to Scott Strand. I thought for a moment that I found my new career, I would be come a professional marathoner. I reasoned that if I could make $3500 finishing in the mid-6000th place I could make a lot more moving up a couple of places. I only thought this for a moment though. You see I some times Google myself to see what the web has to say about me and so I knew that there was another Scott Strand who is a world class marathoner who also happened to run the race and finished in the top 10. I had a friend who asked me earlier if that was me. Leagly, I don't think the marathon could have done anything to me if I had kept the money and cashed the check. It was made out to me, and there was no indication in the letter or the check on why I received it. I believe it was God testing my integrity, something that I had just spent the last 10 months learning about. I called the marathon, selected what I though was the right person from the phone tree, there were now choices for returning your prize money because it was sent to the wrong person. I told the person who answered who I was and explained what had happened. After a few seconds of silence the person respond with the statement "I'm glad you were an honest person." Yes, I aced the final, at least for this day. In the end I got a variety of marathon merchandise including a sweatshirt that I joking say cost mey only $3500.

Much of the mid-2000's was given over to reading, pondering, listening, and reflecting. It was a time when I put into practice a number of spiritual disciplines that help draw me closer to God.

This brings me to the fall of 2007 and a blog posting about a stupid sheep. This is what really got me going with regards to what God has been doing to me, through me, and for me. But the rest of the story will have to wait for part 4.

Becoming Who God Wants Me To Be (pt 2)

A couple of days ago I wrote about what I feel God calling for me is - to come along side others in their sojourning through life. But the question to answer today is, "How did I arrive at this point?"

This journey for me has been a, borrowing from The Beatles, a long and winding road - educationally, spiritually, experientially, and personally. It began on a fall night in 1981, though the ground work was laid long before that, when I said yes to Christ. Adventures and challenges have been part of my life ever since - marriage, moving, living, growing, listening, and obeying. My internal wiring, living, learning, loving, and laboring has been part of the transformational process God has had me on for the past 30 years.

There have been some key people and events that I look at as markers that define this adventure. Jim Duncan, the man who first discipled me in what it meant to be a Christian. We were brought together from Ohio and Minnesota in Havre, MT for a 3 year crash course in Christianity. While in Havre, I preached my first sermon, it wasn't that good, it wasn't that long, but I know that it was the message God had for that congregation that day.

From Havre, there as a nomadic phase where we learned to trust more fully on God as we spent time in Minnesota, Missoula, MT, back to Bemidji, MN before finally settling in Grand Rapids, MN. It was in Grand Rapids where my leadership skills were developed, my preaching skills were honed a bit more, and I took on a variety of teaching opportunities with in the church and a private Christian school. The latter experience once again proved God's faithfulness. It was during this time that we adopted both our kids, built our home and thought that we were there for the long haul. It was here that I also learned that my plans aren't always God's plans.

In 1997 I was in Washington DC for a Promise Keepers event, when I heard that still small voice of God saying it's time to go to seminary. I didn't know why, but in the fall of 1998 we packed our things and move back the the Twin Cities. Just before I was to begin seminary my dad died and while we were down for the funeral, my wife interviewed for a number of of jobs and by weeks end had a number of job offers. I know that God was in it.

Seminary was good, I got a lot of head knowledge, but by the end of my time God had become more of an academic pursuit rather and a relational pursuit. It was at seminary that I started doing something call instructional technology - the art of using technology to enhance the learning process. When I graduated in 2001, I was offered a job at Bethel doing what I have been doing for the last three years. I thought that this was what God had in plan for me for the rest of my working career. To be honest this is a question I am pondering right now. More on that later.

None of this would have been possible if it weren't for the gift God gave me in my wife who has been with me through this whole adventure. God gave her a talent in the medical field that has allowed her to find work and in a large part finance the adventure called life that we have been on. She has put up with my educational endeavors, occupational changes, home relocations, and me, her rather eclectic husband and sojourner in life these past 29 years.

This is the background that I have needed to lay in order to answer the questions "How do I know what God wants for me and from me?" The third and hopefully finally part of this pondering will tie things together - spiritual disciplines, spiritual director, being open and willing to say "yes", and believe it or not a blog posting about a stupid sheep.

In short these last 10 years have been the most transformation years of my spiritual life.

Becoming Who God Wants Me To Be (pt 1)

I am who I am becoming. No this is not some philosophical, pie in the sky statement, it is an idea taken from the Apostle Paul in his writings to the church in Corinth:

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!
2 Corinthians 5:17 The Message

As a new creation I already am who I am, the goal now is to do the work of stripping away the old and letting the new shine forth.

I will admit that it is easy to strip away some of the old, those things that stare you in the face and you know are not honoring to our newly created life. I sometimes talk about this using an onion as my illustration. Take an onion and around the outside is the dried, papery layer that easily falls away. As you move in the layers of the onion become harder and harder to separate. As new creations we are able to put away some of our old habits that are not needed or wanted in our new life. These things are the outer layers of the onion. But then we get into the tough stuff. Those habits, actions, sins that we try to keep "hidden" in our new life. These aren't as easily reomoved. Let me make a point here, God can and at times does remove these hard, hidden things, but I believe that going thought this transformation process is what gives us the Godly character and wisdom that the world needs to not only hear from us but see lived out in our life.

For me this has not been an overnight, a ha moment. I have been a Christ-follower for close to 30 years. I have completed 2 post graduate degrees, a certificate and I am currently working on my Doctor of Ministy degree. Though all these years, through all this education, though all my life experiences this is what I have learned - God wants me to be someone who walks along side others as they do life, listen to their stories, offer advise when asked and help them move one step closer in their relationship with other but more importantly in their relationship with God.

This is getting a little long so tomorrow I will share with you how it is I got to the point where I could make the above statement with confidence and clarity. The question I leave you with today is "Who does God want you to become?"

Distractions

There are a number of Bible books that I keep coming back to - they just seem to resonate with me. One of these books was written by the prophet Haggai. In this short two chapter book, we drop in on the Isrealites who have lost their focus, they have become distracted. I know I have written about Haggai in the past, but what I want to focus on today is the idea of distractions. I am coming off a five day staycation. We were going to travel, but ended up staying home. I had great plans of spending a couple of days reading and pondering and then spending some time doing things with my wife. Unfortunately I lost my focus almost immediately.

Bathroom redo, new rotors on the car, roof vents, extra shift running a camera at church - don't get me wrong these were all good things, but they became distractions for me when what I wanted/needed was some time alone with God. I got that in the mornings, but as I thought about what needed to get done I would run to Ikea or Menards, I would Google how to replace a rotor(not really that hard), and sometimes I would just let my mind wander- it goes to a lot of interesting places. This all added to an interesting sermon prep as I was living out what Haggai was warning the remnant about. It was as if Haggai was speaking to me in a way that it hadn't in the past.

The question that is forming for my sermon is "What is distracting you from your God given focus - loving God, loving others, making disciples, or making use of your spiritual gifts?" Haggai wasn't condeming the people for living their life, rather he was talking to them because they seemed to have forgotten God in the process.

Knowing That God Is In It

I don't know why, but I am often surprised by how God is at work orchestrating things so that I am able to use the gifts and newly formed passions that He has stirred in my heart. Let me explain.

For the last 4 years or so I have been spending my Wednesday night being locked up in Lino Lakes state prison, working with a group of offenders who have finished or are just finishing their 18 month long IFI program. I work with the me n to help them understand their core beliefs and values and encourage them to live them out in specific ways. This is a ministry that energizes me. In June I was asked if I could switch to Monday nights as the IFI staff was going to me doing some different things on Wednesday with the men. I didn't mind the switch, but I didn't know why we had to move. The question "why" was rolling around in my head. Some times God has us do thing where He knows the "why" but we are just to follow.

Jumping ahead a couple weeks now, I have decided to become part of our HopeLink ministry team at my church. This is a ministry where you come along side an individual to help them through a tough time in their life. This is the type of ministry the God has been stirring in my heart for a while now. To wrap this rambling up, I applied for and was accept into the training program for this ministry. So how do I know God was in this, training starts in September on Wednesday nights. If the IFI program hadn't shifted, if I hadn't agreed to switch come September I would have had to made a choice between IFI and HopeLink. But due to, I believe, God's timing I am able to do both.

So do you have a story of where you know that God is in it? Have you been inconvenienced or asked to change something and you're not quite sure why? Maybe God has something new and exciting for you to try or do. Be open, be listening, Be willing.

A Journey of Transformation

I have been silent for a while now. In part because I have not had time to process all the things I have been pondering - though I have at least 3 blog topics. In part because of the journey I have been on. And in part because I have simply been tired - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually - a good tired, but tired none the less.I

I had two seminary professors - Steve Sandage and LeRon Shults who wrote a book on spiritual transformation and used as their model a crucible. This crucible is where we go to have our impurities cleaned out of us. How we respond to this firing really determines how “pure” we become.

For the past few months I have been repeatedly jumping into and out of the crucible. A process that has made me so very tired. Through this process I have been pulled & stretched, I have been pushed to the limits and then reeled back in to find rest, I have gained clarity to where God seems to be directing me to go. I have to admit that it is not where I was headed when i began my doctoral work. I seem to be coming to a junction where a step of faith my be needed to get me over a rather large obstacle.

So what has been the results of this process? I have come to a deeper, richer appreciation of community. I’m not talking about community light, I’m talking about community where we allow transformation to happen to each other and we are their to help each other edit our stories.

I have come to see that I enjoy coming along side people who need some assistance I allow me to be their sounding board or to offer some words of encouragement or wisdom. I am not their to fix them, rather I am their to help them hear God’s still small voice and how they can respond to it. Or perhaps it simple helping them rethink how they can accomplish their goals in new ways.

Living out these changes has resulted in getting involved in a new ministry at church and the prospect of another possible ministry opportunity. This has also got me thinking about what I might have to give up to pursue these new opportunities.

It has also led to a number of questions that I am looking to answer - How do I recharge myself? What is my “land between” looking like?

Sabbath Soul Care

I am reading a book by Wayne Muller called Sabbath. You see I at times have trouble with rest. By rest I don't mean the physical activity of sleeping - though I have issues there too, but that is another story. No, I think that Sabbath is more than that - it is a mental, physical, & spiritual resting from the business of life by quieting ourselves and coming into the presence of God. Muller puts it this way:

When the moment of rest had come, the time for healing was over. He (Jesus) would simply stop, retire to a quiet place, and pray.

Muller goes on to say this about prayer.

When Jesus prayed He was at rest, nurished by the healing spirit that saturates those still, quiet places. In the Jesus tradition, prayer can be a practice of simply being in the presence of God, allowing the mind to rest in the heart.

The take away here, the thing that we need to remember and practice is that the Sabbath is so much about a specific day or time, it is the practice of recognizing when Sabbath rest is needed and then stealing away to the quiet place to pray and enter into Gods presence.

Half a Century plus 1

On Saturday I will begin my 51st year sojourning on this earth. Thirty or so of those years I have spent following the Lord, some times closely and other times not. I have spent time reflecting on the past and pondering the future. I have begun to look at choices made - both good and bad. At time I wonder how things may have been different with different choices - not better or worse, just different. I have enjoyed seeing how God has used me in a variety of situations to impact the lives of others and thus transforming my own life.

Looking forward it is with a sense of anticipation of how I am going to minister in the next season of my life. As I an finishing up work on my doctorate I anticipate a new chapter of ministry in my life. I think I am beginning to clarify what that my look like.

I am looking for a way to focus my next season of ministry helping people to discover who it is God has created them to be and to help them understand what this means in their life. I am interested in coming along side people, listening to their story, and helping them discover how they can be God's hands and feet and minister to the people around them.

I have some ideas of what this may look like, teaching, spiritual direction, writing, and preaching. I don't know if these things are lay ministries while I continue doing what I am doing now or if there is a ministry setting where I can do these things or perhaps it is starting a ministry of my own. If anyone is in need of a speaker for a retreat, conference or class where I might be able to minister I would love to talk with you.

This has been a fun exercise for me, reflecting on where I have been and how God has been a part of it and then ponder the future and what God may have in store for you. There is a spiritual formation exercise called "The Grand Examen" that takes you though four questions that help you ponder these things. This exercise is a great faith builder and helps give definition to how you are wired and what God may be calling you to do.

It's What Happens In The Middle

I have a rather simplistic educational philosophy: I know where we're starting, I know where I would like to end, and what happens in the middle is where the learning happens. This is the philosophy I think about when I'm a teacher, when I'm a learner, when I'm a sojourner in life. It goes from a single class period, to an entire course, through a degree program, and then spills over into life.

You see it is in the middle between the start point and the end point where transformation can happen. This is where we can journey together,to come along side each other and edit each other stories.

One thing about the journey, we have to be willing to follow it, flex with it, and at time endure the hardship of it for change to happen. We might have one idea of where a particular journey is taking us, but God may have another plan in mind. We need to be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit as we travel through life.

As a teacher I read the students, as a learner I listen for God's promptings, and as a sojourner I wonder what's around the next corner as I travel the path I call life.

The question I leave with you is "What's happening in the middle to you?"

Simplicity

If there is one word that I have been thinking about lately with regards to my life in general, that word would be simplicity. Simplifying what I eat, things I possess, life in general, commitments, and engagement with technology (I have turned off my work email on weekends & seldom do I have my cell phone on weekends). I want to live simply, not necessarily cheaply or frugally. I love to bake and should do that more often.

I think with simplicity comes a slower pace to life. I take the time to enjoy things as life goes by. Some might say that I am living a balanced life, but what does it mean to be balanced? Rather, what I strive to do in my simplified life is life a Christ-centered life. In my Christ-centered life I live out Matthew 22:37f - that is I love God and love others. Where do I spend my resources(time, money, energy, etc.)?

Do I have this simply life all figured out? No, but I am working at it. As I write these words I have to chuckle know that I am about to begin the writing of my Doctoral thesis. But perhaps this simplicity is something with needs to be woven into it. I need to think about that a bit.

How can you simplify your life? What is one thing you can do to slow down? What would a Christ-centered life look like to you?

Now If Only...

Now if only - three little words that in my journey through life that means "I agree God but..." The "but" could mean a viariety to things from I don't really trust You to not right now but when I am ready to any other excuse I can come you with. You see that is what I mean when I say "now if only."

I've noticed that God really isn't interested in my excuses, rather He is interested in my doing. Proverbs 3:5-6 talks about trusting the Lord, Joshua was commanded to be strong and courageous and not waiver from the path layednout for him.

Trusting God is one more step in our faith journey. Remember how God has been faithful in the past will help you know that God will be faithful in the future.

Found

This is a follow-up to my blog posting entitled "Lost" a couple of weeks ago. That was a look at depression from the inside. Today I want to talk about depression from the outside.

In the weeks since that posting my fog has lifted. I want to thank all my friends who wrote words of encouragement and offered up prayer, they really do help. I wish I knew how or why the depression lifts, I guess I could do some research but I don't have the time right now. It is really a rather odd experience - life is good, life sucks, life is good - a cycle that keeps repeating itself. The intervals of good vs suck ebb and flow. Triggers that move me into or out of the sucky state, beats me.

So what did I learn? Well, found out that I need to follow up with a couple of people about life things. That God is there even in the darkness though friends, family, and others. That I may have a voice speaking into subject of depression - don't know what this will look like yet.

I think I have more to say, but right now I am still processing things. Again, thanks to those who wrote, prayed, etc for me.

Reflections on The Gospel of John - Chapter 1

Our small group from church has begun to read through and study the Gospel of John. It's been a while since I have spent a lot of time looking at this book of the Bible and I had forgotten a lot of the finer details of the Gospel. I think the best way to get the overall feel for a biblical book is to read the entire book in one sitting. This allows you get a good feel as to the flow of the story.

As I have looked at chapter 1 a couple of things jump out. First, in the first dozen verses we have John developing a wonder image of who Jesus is, His unity with God, His role in creation, His light shining in the darkness, His rejection, and His reward (Grace) to those who do believe. I love the fact that we are God's children with all the rights and responsibilities associated with this new identity.

The second thing that struck me was John, not the author John rather John the Baptist. His role in life was to point people to Jesus. That was it. He came to prepare the way. This was the testimony that he gave. What an honor to be the proclaimer of Jesus the Christ. If you think about it though that is what we are called to do as well. Our testemony, our story, our life should also point people to Jesus. As Paul writes in his letters, we are God's ambassador.

The question I leave you with is this, how does your story point others to Jesus? What has God done for you that you can testify about?

Lost

It's been almost a month since my last post. I haven't even tweeted much. Why? Feeling lost, alone - much like David in many of the Psalms where he cried out to God in despair. I do what I need to do, but it is just that, doing. Few things bring me the joy, the comfort I have had in the past. Work is just that, work. Life seems like a giant whirl wind and I don't know what direction it is headed at any given time. I feel as though I have lost purpose or meaning. Lost hope? No. Lost joy? No, but it is hard to find.

I find it interesting that I am so aware of my situation and at the same time unable to respond to it. Maybe I should be calling this blogging from the dark side. I have given up asking why, rather I think about what I am to learn. Who can benefit from my dark side ramblings?

Let me try a poem -

Hello darkness my old friend,
You've come to call on me again - yeah I know Simon and Garfunkle but it is a great way to start

In reality that is all I have - darkness is an old friend who has been calling for years. Some times its a brief visit, other time it seems like a prolonged stay. I can put a name to this darkness, it is depression - not sadness, not spiritual warfare, not not doing enough "spiritual" things, no it is as chemical imbalance in my brain that results in me entering into dark times. My dad suffered from the same thing at about the same age I am at now.

Today as I write this I can feel the darkness lifting. I am again able to listen for and to God's still small voice. Hey, I'm even able to blog about it. I know my old friend will be back, may next week, maybe in a couple of months or a year. I just don't know.

If you are like me and know this experience, remember that even in the darkness God is there, seek Him out for comfort. Seek out a medical or mental health professional to help you through this time. Let a trusted friend know so that they can intercede for you in prayer.

If you know someone who is in this situation don't try and fix them, rather just be there when they reach out, pray for them. encourage them.

I have been living with depression for the last 15 years or so. I lived the first 7-8 without diagnosis, and the last 7-8 under the care of my doctor. I don't have all the answers, shoot I don't even know all the questions - but what I do know is that God is faithful in all things and He will be with you even when darkness falls.

Not a Place to Dwell or Running from God My Way

To be honest, I don't really know what to call the place I am in right now. It not the dark side of the soul, nor is it a place of deep, intimate relationship with God. I am not in a crisis of faith or belief. I am trying to listen, but don't always hear or it seems all I hear is silence. It may also be that I hear but choose not to listen.

For me, right now, I don't think is is any of the above reasons. No, what I believe is the issue is that I have chosen to run from God. I'm not talking a Jonah moment where God said do this and Jonah ran the opposite direction. No, my running from God looks more like a guy caught up in the things of life, to "busy" to do the things God wants him to do. Not all things, just the things that make my mind swiril. I find myself engaging in mindless activities instead of engaging in the ponderings that God has set before me.

By mindless activities I don't mean spending time with family and friends. This is a good use of time. But did I really need to watch that TV show or movie, when I had carved out time to do my pondering? Did I need to check emails and see what is happening in the world during the time I had set aside for reading and tweeting? Did I have to let my mind wander and daydream about spring and new projects around the house when I had set aside time to work on my doctoral studies? You see its not about being to busy, I have carved out the time I need, but I then fill those times with activites that don't need to happen when they do. I have time carved out for emails and such. I set aside time to watch my TV shows on Hulu or TV.com. There are times when I can daydream, but I need to keep that in check.

Just like Jonah, I am guilty of running from God. It is not a physical running, rather it is an intellectual running. It really doesn't matter how you are running for the result is the same. Something that God wants me to do is not getting accomplished. Maybe I need to spend a couple of days in the belly of a fish (though I would rather not) to cry out to God, quit running, and to return to the what it is God wants me to accomplish.

Caribou Ponderings

I often wonder what I should be when I grow up. I have come to a point in my life where I have a pretty good handle on who I am, how I'm wired, what drives me, and what stirs my soul. The question that I come to is how do I tie that all together in my life? I very much enjoy what I do, and it does fit who I am. Does it fit perfectly, no but it meets the 80/80 percent Greg talks about when it comes to what we do. The thought goes like this - you are in a good fitting job when 80% of who you are is 80% of what you do. The other 20% of what you do are simply the things that need to get done to do the other 80%. As for the 80% of me, I don't think it is possible to find a job, task, activity, etc that you exercise 100% of who you are. 

That said, to fulfill the missing 20% we take on other ministries, activities, or tasks to use our neglected skills & passions. I guess I need to figure out how in any give day, week, or months I can in fact use all the different skill sets, talents, or gifts to server others and extend God's love to them.

Sometimes...

Sometimes life is great and my time with God is wonderful and productive. Sometimes life sucks and it seems my time with God is like the car stuck in the mud simply spinning its wheels. So where do I learn more? I guess the answer to that is what it is God is trying to teach me.

The "sometimes life is good" learning is deep, rich and rewarding. Writing, teaching, blogging, and tweeting simply flow out of the things I am learning.

The "sometimes life sucks" learning is a lot harder to understand. Often this is where I have to roll up my sleeves, strap me into a chair and start doing the "mechanical" things of being a Christ-follower. In the moment it doesn't seem like I am learning anything. I wonder why I even bother. Writing is tough, teaching is dry, and my social presesence goes away. When life is a little less sucky, and I reflect back on this time I see that I have learned valuable things - perseverance, finishing well, dependency on God and other, and often times I have a new perspective on scriptures I may have studied in the past.

I don't wish the life sucks times on anyone, but then again it can be a time of crying out to God, read many of the Davic Psalms [David had a lot of life sucks moments], it is time to fall back to the basics, it is a time to rely on others in your community [not always an easy thing to do].

If you find yourself in a life sucks moment, turn to God, turn to others, reach for that daily devotional, and persevere in your pursuit of God. He is there with you, walking along side you, just waiting for you to reach out your hand so He can take hold of it.

Knowing God - Through a Psalm of Lament

I have suffered froim bouts of depression for years. Maybe that is why when King David writes about his times of despair they ring so true to me. Granted I don't have peole trying to kill me, at least I don't think I do :), but depression can cause one to feel very alone, affaid,tired, and more - all thinks David writes about in his lament psalms.

The thing that David knows about God and what I need to remember is that God is with us. God is our shelter we can run into when times are tough, when our struggles over whelm us. Knowing God and knowing that He is alway there gives us the glimmer of hope that can light up the darkness that at times can engulf us. From Psalm 57 David writes:

7 I'm ready, God, so ready, ready from head to toe, Ready to sing, ready to raise a tune: 8 "Wake up, soul! Wake up, harp! wake up, lute! Wake up, you sleepyhead sun!" 9 I'm thanking you, God, out loud in the streets, singing your praises in town and country. 10 The deeper your love, the higher it goes; every cloud is a flag to your faithfulness. 11 Soar high in the skies, O God! Cover the whole earth with your glory! The Message

Knowing God - knowing that God is there, that He loves us, know that He is our shelter even when we feel alone and so far away. So in those moment of lonelyness, despair, or trouble - don't run away but rather run toward God who is there for you.

Knowing God - Haggai

I don't know what it is but I really enjoy reading Haggai. Maybe because it is a story set within a larger story or maybe it is because every now and then I need a Haggai to come into my life and ask the question "Why are you spinning your wheels in vain when God wants to engage with you?" I have to admit there are times when I get caught up in my own stuff and forget about spending time with God. This leads me to another "Knowing God" point.

In the case of the Haggai and the remnant they had neglected working on the temple while they went about doing their own thing. To the remnant the temple represented where God would meet with them. It was where the priest would enter in and make the sacrifices to God. God desired to have this meeting place, but the people turned their back on it.

From this I know that God desires to meet with us, to have a place where we can worship Him, a place where we can spend time with Him. This happens at both the community level - church, small groups, etc. - and at the personal level - quiet time, reflections, pondering, prayer. What I need to do is not get so busy in my life that I forget to meet with God at both these places.

What is next?

I recently completed my week long intensive for my DMin program. I was a great class with a wonderful professor and a great group of fellow learners. The question posed in the title is looking at both the short term and the long term. There were so many great ideas talked about in the course - there were six great books we read prior to the class and I now have three or four new ones to read. My short term project coming out of the class deals with the concept of "the ministry of proximity." But there were a number of other ideas and topics that have become relivent to me. Also, I have my "knowing God" project to continue as well.

Longer term I am beginning to pull together thoughts for my doctoral thesis project. It seems as though all my ideas of polar opposites - online community & ministry of proximity, sinners save by Grace vs saints who sin (who we are in Christ), relationally & story editor vs silence & solitude. My goal is to bring these things together in some coherent question.

Still futher out is what I am going to be doing for the last 20-25 years of my active working life - don't really know what retirement will look like. Just need to keep listening for the answer to this question.

Knowing God - Joshua 1

Joshua is one of my favorite characters we meet as we read through the Bible. In Joshua 1 Joshua is introduced as Joshua, Moses' assistant. In the chapter 24 after Joshua had died he is referred to Joshua, son of Nun, a servant of God. In the chapters of this book we see Joshua undergo a wonderful transformation as he lived out the life God had in store for him. From an assistant to Moses to a servant of God. This transformation came about as a result of Joshua knowing God.

In Joshua 1, I find two more characteristics that I want to start applying to my life. The first characteristic is that God is an encourager. God tells Joshua to finish the work that Moses began and that He (God) will be with him, He tells Joshua to strong and courageous, and to stay the course. These same words of encouragement given to Joshua God has given to all Christ-followers. He promised to be with us. He gave us the Holy Spirit to help us stay the course. He wants us to be strong and courageous. As we endeavor to carry out God's plan for our life, know that God will be with you.

The second characteristic that I see in Joshua 1 is that God has a purpose for me. Joshua's purpose was to lead God's people into the promise land. And as stated above God was Joshua's encourager. We are all created unique with a certain mix of natural talents, learned skills, and life experiences. God then takes all these properties and provides for us the opportunity to impact the lives of others to point them toward a relationship with God and to allow God's glory to shine on the world. We do God a great disservice when we use statements like, "Oh, God could never use someone like me to..." Actually God has a purpose for each of us to impact this world. What we need to do is be aware of this and be looking around to see where God wants you to be His hands and feet. Your purpose may impact a large number of people, like Joshua, or it could simply mean coming along side that one person who needs that special touch from God. We only need to be open and willing, God will take care of the rest.

In these opening verses of Joshua 1 I am beginning to better know God as an encourager and as the One who sets the course for my life.


Knowing God as:
- Creator
- Authority
- Relations
- Encourager
- Giving Purpose to My Life

Knowing God - The Beginning

This is the beginning of a series of postings on the topic of knowing God. As Christ-followers we are called to be "imitators of Christ." Matthew 5:48 says we should "be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." Reading this in context, I don't think it is as much about our perfection as it is about being imitators of God. If we are to reflect God's characteristics then it stands to reason that we need to know what they are and how we can live them out.

Let me step back for a moment and talk about my motive for knowing God. My life is driven by a number of key passages of scripture. One of these passages if found in Matthew 22. Here we have an interaction between Jesus and the Pharisees around the question "What is the greatest commandment?" The answer was simple - Love God with all you are & love others as well. To love God with all I have I need to know who God is. As I get to know God better, I grow to love him more. As I love Him more, I want to get to know Him even more... It just goes on - know, loving, loving,know. Don't forget as we are getting to know and love God, we are also to getting to know and love our neighbors.

As I begin this adventure of know God better, I reflected on the first couple of chapters of Genesis and picked out three characteristics to ponder on - God as creator, God as authority, and God as relational.

Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created..." What did God create? He created order out of chaos. Out of nothing He created all things and "it was good." As I reflect on this characteristic the question that comes to my mind is "How can I create order out of chaos?" How is it that I can be a calming force in troubled times? In crisis or conflict am I a voice of reason or do I add fuel to the fire? As a Christ-follower I can bring the message of HOPE that can be found through a relationship with God through Jesus. In a time of crisis I can stand confidently on the promises of God. I can be that calm voice in anxious times. How can you create order out of chaos in your own life's circumstances?

Early in Genesis 1 we also see God's authority - He spoke and it was so. When God speaks His authority is evident. People don't always listen and as a result stumble and tumble through life. When we speak about our relationship with God, about the truths of scripture, and our life as Christ-followers we too need to speak with authority and boldness. This is not our own authority, rather it is our positional authority as one of God's adopted children. That said, when you speak about God and the Truths found in the Bible, speak them boldly and with authority.

The third characteristic is that God is relational - that is He lives in community. First, there is the Divine community with Father, Son, and Spirit. The Trinity. The book The Shack painted and interesting picture of what this Divine community looked like. God also values an intimate relationship with us. In Genesis 2 we have God walking in the garden, interacting with Adam & Eve. Adam & Eve knew His voice and the sound of His steps. Before they ate of the fruit it appears they drew close to God, but after their disobedience the hid from Him out of shame or fear. In the last chapter of Revelation, we see this intimate relationship finally restore as God once again walks among His people. The chapters and books between Genesis 3 and Revelation 21 spells out the story of the restoration of this intimate relationship. This restoration was made possible by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ - our Savior, our Reconciler. Relationships matter to God. Community matters to God. Relationships - with God and others - is our greatest commandment from Jesus - Love God, Love Others (Matthew 22:34-40). Paul in his New Testament writings refers to the body of believers, the church in Acts was about community, the gifts and talents we have are not for ourselves, but for use in community. What I need to do is live a life where God and others truly do matter.

These are the first three of many characteristics of God that I will be exploring though out this coming year. At times I will drill down to see at how I can apply them to my life. At other times, I will simply marvel in the awe and wonder of who God is and deepen my love for Him by simple getting to KNOW Him.