Not a Place to Dwell or Running from God My Way

To be honest, I don't really know what to call the place I am in right now. It not the dark side of the soul, nor is it a place of deep, intimate relationship with God. I am not in a crisis of faith or belief. I am trying to listen, but don't always hear or it seems all I hear is silence. It may also be that I hear but choose not to listen.

For me, right now, I don't think is is any of the above reasons. No, what I believe is the issue is that I have chosen to run from God. I'm not talking a Jonah moment where God said do this and Jonah ran the opposite direction. No, my running from God looks more like a guy caught up in the things of life, to "busy" to do the things God wants him to do. Not all things, just the things that make my mind swiril. I find myself engaging in mindless activities instead of engaging in the ponderings that God has set before me.

By mindless activities I don't mean spending time with family and friends. This is a good use of time. But did I really need to watch that TV show or movie, when I had carved out time to do my pondering? Did I need to check emails and see what is happening in the world during the time I had set aside for reading and tweeting? Did I have to let my mind wander and daydream about spring and new projects around the house when I had set aside time to work on my doctoral studies? You see its not about being to busy, I have carved out the time I need, but I then fill those times with activites that don't need to happen when they do. I have time carved out for emails and such. I set aside time to watch my TV shows on Hulu or TV.com. There are times when I can daydream, but I need to keep that in check.

Just like Jonah, I am guilty of running from God. It is not a physical running, rather it is an intellectual running. It really doesn't matter how you are running for the result is the same. Something that God wants me to do is not getting accomplished. Maybe I need to spend a couple of days in the belly of a fish (though I would rather not) to cry out to God, quit running, and to return to the what it is God wants me to accomplish.